I used to think that sales was all about pressure. That when you were selling something, you were pushing it onto somebody else.
This led to an embarrassing set of conversations with friends, potential clients, and people I met at networking events. I would talk too much, explain what I did before understanding what they needed, and try to make something happen.
This was made worse when I was asked to pitch my services. I once had a phone call with a potential client, a mid 50’s new york city business owner with a strong accent. She asked me to tell her, “Why should I hire you?”
That lead to a long ramble of me trying to appear credible, and totally falling flat. I could feel it then and I felt terrible after that conversation. Who likes pitching themselves and feeling it not land as you’re stumbling through what you’re saying?
This is a particular trap for founders. When you are selling your own business, it can feel as though you are selling yourself. So instead of becoming curious about the other person, you start trying to prove your own value.
Then I learned that there is an energy to selling, and that sales is not primarily about what *you* are doing.
It is about all what is happening inside the other person.
Are they excited? Are they having an insight? Are they seeing an opportunity? Are they becoming clearer about what they want?
Are they moved in some way towards action?
These are the things that create a sale.
Unless a conversation helps move a person towards something they geniunely want, there is no opportunity for an authentic sale. A sale should be a collaboration toward a shared outcome, not an act of persuasion.
Selling is coaching.
This switched on for me after studying with someone who is a master at sales. He taught me that sales was 80% about the questions you ask.
Most of the work is helping the other person clarify:
What do they truly want?
Why does it matter to them?
What is getting in the way?
What would change if they got it?
If what you provide can help them create that change, then there may be an opportunity to work together. If it cannot, they should not buy and you shouldn’t sell it to them.
I’ve seen people sell misaligned products and it only ends up worse for both parties. Honest guarantees that you honor can help with this.
Coaching does not require a predetermined commercial outcome, and neither should an honest sales conversation.
In this way, sales is more like opening doors. Each question opens a door that someone can choose to walk through.
Sometimes the right result is a customer. Sometimes it is clarity. Sometimes it is realizing that you are not the right fit.
You can always be 100% successful at selling if you had a useful conversation with the other person. Who knows, they can be an advocate, a referrer, a community member, or even a friend.
Here are a few simple rules that have improved my selling:
Speak 75% less.
Ask questions. Spend less time explaining your business and more time helping the other person clarify the change they want.
Get permission before you pitch. Say, “Do you mind if I share something with you?”
Be willing to recommend that they do not buy.
When you pitch too early, you are pushing at someone. That push creates resistance. We all know the experience of being sold to in this way, and it is uncomfortable.
Sales is not about persuading someone to buy something they do not want. It is about helping someone understand what they truly want, and whether you can help them get it.
xx David